It was a bright, beautiful day. There was a breeze blowing ever so gently. The colorful flowers were in full bloom. The myriads of green vegetation made a canopy over the region, filtering the heat of the sun. Walking down the path, sprinkled with beams of sunshine making their way through the treetops, God brought the first woman to the first man. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
Marriage was very good. It was created to be a blessing.
God said I hate divorce, and with the same breathe he added I hate violent and cruel men.
Why does God hate divorce? Does anyone consider this? A divorce signifies a marriage was not the blessing it was created to be. It means selfishness, lack of love, and abuses occurred in an institution designed for good. It means a marriage has become a hidden place of verbal, physical and emotional abuse, sin and transgressions, instead of being an institution where love is shared in words and actions, and physical and spiritual needs are met.
It’s ridiculous to think God finds pleasure in any type of abusive marriage. Even in days of old, a certificate of divorce was given or allowed; to bring an end to tragic situations where a marriage was not functioning as it was intended.
Marriage is the ideal, divorce is not. God did not originally intend for there to be divorce. Understand - it is not divorce that breaks God’s heart, but the hurtful actions that took place in that marriage that led to the divorce.
God uses marriage as an analogy of his church and his divine kingdom. The Ten Commandments show us how to love God and how to love others. Jesus tells us to love as he has loved us, which was to the point of giving his own life for ours. He said that he and the Father are so like-minded that they are considered one and function as one.
God loves by giving of himself – sharing his love with us. He cares about us and takes care of us. He educates us through the Holy Spirit and his Word. To show our appreciation for the things he does for us, we shower him with our respect and honor.
Similarly, marriage was meant to be a place overflowing with love, respect and honor, and all things good. God hates divorce because that means the institution of marriage isn’t fulfilling its divine purpose.
Don’t think God would continue in a loveless, unfulfilling relationship forever. The same as we choose a mate, God had chosen Israel. He called himself their husband. Yet, even God became frustrated and angry and hurt over Israel’s lack of appreciation for what he did for them, their lack of love towards him, and their desire to trust others over him. He finally came to the end of his patience. In Jeremiah 3:8 we read that God gave the northern kingdom of Israel a certificate of divorce for continuing to reject him and for only going through the motions of worship (respect and honor). Alluding to his divorce of Israel, Isaiah 50:1 says it was because of sin and transgressions. Other passages show that he separated himself from Judah, the southern kingdom of Israel, for their unfaithfulness and rejection of him.
There is a period of 400 years between the Old and New Testaments. Here is a good example of taking time to heal from past hurts before getting involved in a new relationship or making another commitment. After this time, God began to form another relationship that would lead to another marriage.
This time he choose a people that wanted the relationship, not just with their minds and what they could get out of it, but he choose a people who would want that relationship not only with their minds, but more importantly with their hearts. This future marriage would consist of people who would accept his love, would appreciate it and return it in word and in action. They would become spiritually and emotionally mature.
Yes, God himself will eventually walk away from a relationship where love is not shared, and will instead join himself to those that do meet his expectations. God desires us and expects us to reciprocate his love. We can do this by acting like he does – “Love others as I have loved you”.
So now I ask, how can someone encourage another to stay in a relationship where they are being physically, verbally, emotionally harmed or sinned against? How can a person criticize or condemn someone who has the strength and courage to walk away from these types of situations? In God’s eyes, wouldn’t that person be seen as an accomplice or just as guilty as the abuser, when you consider the scripture that says - what you have done to one of these, you have done to me.
I agree that it is a tragedy that the rate of divorce is so high in the church or anywhere else for that matter. But we must remember it isn’t marriage that’s the problem; because God said what he created is good. That means the problem lies with the people in it. If the marriage was functioning as the institution God created it to be, and those in it were portraying the attributes and love of God toward each other, the thought of divorce wouldn’t even arise.
Many people think they are Believers because they attend church or because their parents are Christians, but they have failed to develop their own relationship with God. So it must be understood that just because someone calls himself a Christian, a Believer or attends church, it doesn’t mean they understand or follow God’s ways. There are also people who like themselves the way they are, no matter how hurtful they are. What God has to say doesn’t matter to them. God also warns us that there are people who have a form of godliness. In other words they pretend to be something they are not. He warns that some are wolves in sheep clothing. In other words they are deceivers. This should warn us to be careful about jumping into a relationship too quickly.
It is a medical fact that ongoing, stressful situations lower a person’s immune system by dumping toxic chemicals and hormones into their system. This sets them up for all types of diseases. If there is no relief and the dumping continues on and on, it can result not only in disease but finally in death.
If counseling has not rectified the problems, then men or women in abusive situations – verbal, emotional, or physical – need to remove themselves from that environment. They should be supported by others when they do, because not only is their health at stake but their very life is also. These are not godly marriages or relationships when such negativity exists. There is nothing holy about such a marriage. It is an abomination in the sight of God.
So it is not the act of divorce that God hates but what it represents, which is the desecration of marriage because of what took place in it – an institution created by him for good. That’s why God hates divorce.
God expects those that claim to know him, to also live a life that represents him. He expects them to learn his loving ways and come up to that higher plane of living with him, and then let it overflow to everyone around them. And as we let the Lord live through us, our homes will become a safe haven instead of the cause of so much pain. Our spouse will be the one we can always turn to and rely on instead of the one we want to escape from. Then our marriages will be the blessing God meant them to be, instead of the curse so many have become.
Today, let the Lord live through you. Today, let your marriage be the blessing it was meant to be.
Notes:
I am in no way encouraging anyone to leave a spouse, but just to know that you have a choice and your decision should be without judgment from others.
There are millions of spouses that are victims of domestic violence. It is the main cause of injury to women treated at hospital emergency rooms. 75% admit that their children are also battered. The church unfortunately has not been immune. These are alarming statistics! Children raised in violence begin to see themselves and others differently and are more likely to bring the pattern of violence into their adult relationships - as victims or abusers.
Domestic violence usually goes in cycles and gets worse over time. It may end in tragedy. The problem cannot be swept under the rug forever. It will not go away by itself, no matter how hard you try to please the offender. There are services and 800 numbers you can call for help. Look in the blue pages of your phone book under hotlines and crisis numbers.
I also have located some helpful websites:
See www.peaceandsafety.com.
A site for advice for clergy, police officers, doctors, family members and friends can be found at: www.clergyanddomesticviolence.com.
A helpful site for those hoping for the possibility to improve an abusive situation, or wanting info to keep it from happening to you again in future relationships is: www.narcissismcured.com.
Helpful info for dealing with and healing all the emotions and feelings that may come with a divorce: www.divorcecare.org
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